So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
