her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
