my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
