mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
