Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
