even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
