Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
