is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
