I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I smell stomach acid.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
