my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
