xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
