so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
