i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
