i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
