this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
