The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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