when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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