11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
