Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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