I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
