I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
