Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
