my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
