If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
