She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
