I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
