we're blogging at a bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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