Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
