So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
