people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
