Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
