Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
