so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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