There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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