do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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