put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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