I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
