I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
FUCK WHALES
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
