so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
