Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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