okay pat passed out under dana's car
accomplished twins. life is a go
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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