is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
