I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
