You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
