I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
