Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
