its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
