Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
