I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
