I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
false alarm. still invincible.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
