Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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