I can't watch pbs sober anymore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
