Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
