I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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