Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
