i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
