Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
