Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
